Emotionally Intelligent Communication – Your Email Style
The first style in the triad is called the Dominant Driver, since the focus in communication is on taking control, using personal force or negotiating towards a desired outcome. Their emails tend to be rather blunt and uncensored. What you read is what you get. Regularly writing in absolutes and imperatives, people with this style should caution against steamrolling with words and seeming closed to dialogue. On the positive side this style’s direct and no-nonsense approach can instil a sense of trust, and get things moving forward quickly when the pressure is on.
The second style in the instinctive triad is called the Fair Mediator, since the focus in communication is on making a harmonious connection with the recipient and avoiding overly strong positions. This can create a gentle and accepting tone in their emails that makes recipients feel at ease. Their emails tend to be long and inclusive of inessential information and reflections that can blur the core of the message. Regularly writing lengthy, repetitive narratives, people with this style should caution against leaving readers uncertain as to what is wanted or being said.
The last of the Nine Emailing Styles is called the Concerned Perfecter, since the focus in communication is on avoiding mistakes and criticism or seeming irresponsible. Their emails tend to be polite, detailed and well-structured, which makes the recipient feel well-informed and respected. A lot of time may be spent on getting one sentence to sound just right so as not to come across as rude or inappropriate. Regularly using a teaching style with “ought to’s” and “shoulds”, people with this style may seem overly critical or prescriptive to their recipients. Getting stuck on perfecting the details of grammar and wording may also slow these individuals down.
If you’ve identified your email style in the instinctive triad, begin to recognize when your emails are not really opening channels of feedback from the recipient. You may also want to watch out for an all or nothing approach that requires the recipient to either agree or disagree with you – which limits creative dialogue.
Emotionally Intelligent “Receiving Styles”
We all have a preferred way of speaking. Some are loud and colourful, while others are quiet and reserved. The same applies to your email writing style. Although writing does not portray body language, tone of voice and inflection, our choice of words and punctuation can really make all the difference. Internet technology and design has also introduced graphics, photographs, interesting fonts and a variety colours that allows you to add spice and character to your electronic communication – use it to your advantage.
To close our focus on emotionally intelligent email styles consider the fact that you also read other people’s emails through the filter of your personality style.
You may find emotional and personal content uncomfortable, while the person who emailed you the latest budget has asked you five caring questions about your family life!! Or you may find your boss’s emails cold and brash when all he does is write instructions. In every form of communication a healthy degree of self-awareness is required. Become aware of what your own emailing style is, and recognize what types of emails tend to get under your skin.
If you tend to read between the lines remember that your interpretation may reflect more about your personality style than about the other person’s intentions. If you tend to just say it like it is, remember that emailing is a legitimate form of workplace relationship building that requires emotionally intelligent communication.
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